Vine Orbituary

Rest in Peace

Brianna Saucier, Reporter|December 2, 2016

Vine

2013-2016

Vine, three years old, of the United States of America, was brutally murdered in a cannibalistic act by her grandfather October 27, 2016.

She was born in January 24, 2013 in Florida, to Dom Hofmann and Rus Yusupov. Vine was extremely successful as a social media website composed of six-second videos.  Vine was extremely popular and graduated top of her class at iOS iTunes Academy.

Vine was known to be very giving, as she devoted all of her time to helping her friends grow in their careers. She vine
promoted numerous famous celebrities such as Cameron Dallas, Logan Paul, Thomas Sanders and King Bach. Vine was deeply wounded, however, when they all turned their backs on her for more exposure from other forms of social media, and even got their own television shows.

Dallas and Paul were quick to leave their childhood friend behind to get on Netflix and Disney Channel.

Vine is survived by 300 workers that were fired at her funeral, her grandfather, Twitter; and her fathers, Hofmann and Yusupov. She is now safe to journey to the great app store in the sky with Bing, Myspace and Voxer.

Vine had been caught in the crossfire between her grandfather’s war with Facebook and Snapchat, which caused her demise at such a young age. She had been caught Romeo-and-Juliet style with Instagram, whose parents were upset about their child: Instagram Videos.king-bach

It became an even bigger scandal when Instagram cheated on her with Snapchat, and gave birth to Instagram
Stories. Vine never recovered from that betrayal, or from her many friends and followers leaving her for Instagram.

Vine passed away broke, forced to fire over 300 of her employees, nine percent of Twitter’s workforce, to make ends meet.

Vine’s wishes were to have a private funeral limited to her immediate family. Her family, however, decided to keep up her website, with all of her videos on it, for viewers to continue to watch and download in her memory at vine.com.

“It is such a shame her fame lasted as long as her videos,” Twitter said. “She deserved so much more than this!”